Thursday, December 1, 2011
Yup, it's me! Took some time but think I am alright now. John ( Going Gently), thank you! Also a thank you to Ron, Jim, Sophie, Tina, Lilla, Rachael and my Sister Connie.
A lot has been going on not only in life, but mentally as well. I needed time to regroup and figure out what the hell was wrong with me. There was a pretty big problem with hubby's and my relationship. It's been a year since I lost my house. Grace is ten months old now. Well, let's just say everything finally came to a head.
I have always been a strong person, but there for awhile I didn't feel I was. And that bothered me! I knew something wasn't right and had to figure it out.
Slowly things started to surface. And when they surfaced it was like a volcano! Just erupting up and out. Wow! Yup, a lot of anger and resentment was unleashed.
I was angry as hell for losing my house. Angry that my one daughter didn't say a word about her being pregnant and having to deliver a baby in my bathroom! Angry that I didn't feel I was taking care of my horses and donkeys the way they were used to at the old house. Angry at my hubby for several large reasons. Angry that Grace's mother was in fact taking advantage of me as far as Grace was concerned. Angry that I allowed myself to get into such a depression ( which is what it was ) and put my life on the back burner. Angry that for the past year I have been unable to help more animals in need. Angry at how society has crumbled. Let's just say I was damned angry!
It's funny, but when you realize what is going on with yourself you can see it in a whole new perspective!
So, instead of pushing the anger further down any longer, it was unleashed! Once I let it out, said what needed to be said, I threw it out to the universe to be rid of it. Not saying it is all gone, but a lot of it is.
Now instead of dreading 'what the hell is next' in life. Instead of trudging on an uphill battle in the mud getting worn out. I have decided that I want to see what is on the other side of the hill! Whether it be good or bad I want to see it. And what's over the next hill, and the next. Sometimes alone, sometimes with someone else, but getting to the top and seeing.
There is so much more going on but will leave for that for future posts.
Big, big hugs to the folks I mentioned in the beginning of this post. You may not know what you did for me, and that's ok, because I know what you did!
Until next time.............................