Yup, it's me! Took some time but think I am alright now. John ( Going Gently), thank you! Also a thank you to Ron, Jim, Sophie, Tina, Lilla, Rachael and my Sister Connie.
A lot has been going on not only in life, but mentally as well. I needed time to regroup and figure out what the hell was wrong with me. There was a pretty big problem with hubby's and my relationship. It's been a year since I lost my house. Grace is ten months old now. Well, let's just say everything finally came to a head.
I have always been a strong person, but there for awhile I didn't feel I was. And that bothered me! I knew something wasn't right and had to figure it out.
Slowly things started to surface. And when they surfaced it was like a volcano! Just erupting up and out. Wow! Yup, a lot of anger and resentment was unleashed.
I was angry as hell for losing my house. Angry that my one daughter didn't say a word about her being pregnant and having to deliver a baby in my bathroom! Angry that I didn't feel I was taking care of my horses and donkeys the way they were used to at the old house. Angry at my hubby for several large reasons. Angry that Grace's mother was in fact taking advantage of me as far as Grace was concerned. Angry that I allowed myself to get into such a depression ( which is what it was ) and put my life on the back burner. Angry that for the past year I have been unable to help more animals in need. Angry at how society has crumbled. Let's just say I was damned angry!
It's funny, but when you realize what is going on with yourself you can see it in a whole new perspective!
So, instead of pushing the anger further down any longer, it was unleashed! Once I let it out, said what needed to be said, I threw it out to the universe to be rid of it. Not saying it is all gone, but a lot of it is.
Now instead of dreading 'what the hell is next' in life. Instead of trudging on an uphill battle in the mud getting worn out. I have decided that I want to see what is on the other side of the hill! Whether it be good or bad I want to see it. And what's over the next hill, and the next. Sometimes alone, sometimes with someone else, but getting to the top and seeing.
There is so much more going on but will leave for that for future posts.
Big, big hugs to the folks I mentioned in the beginning of this post. You may not know what you did for me, and that's ok, because I know what you did!
Until next time.............................
Was wondering what was going on out there. Been missing you. I hope that you are on a good road now
ReplyDeleteGood to 'see' you and that you vented a lot of pressure. We all have to do this. I guess the trick is not to let it build.....who hasn't done this in their life!
ReplyDeleteWelcome back.
I am so glad you got to get all that off your chest. I dont know if its age, or something in the air but alot of people are feeling like this. Me included. Or it just may be a woman thing. We bottle up our anger for so long until it makes us physically sick and then one day bam! it erups out of us. hope you continue to feel better everyday.
ReplyDeleteWell done for finding that safety release valve! I am delighted to hear that you are feeling better. I am relatively new to your blog but often found myself wondering how things were going for you.
ReplyDeleteMany people care about you and the very special person you are. It touched my heart that included in all the things you had to be angry about were that you felt unable to care for more animals. I know how close to your heart that is. I'm sure those that live with you now are being well cared for and for now that's the most important. I finally got my friend's computer and I'm up and blogging. Also catching up on emails. Take good care of yourself -- it is great to let it out, isn't it?
ReplyDeleteI have been angry too. Although, I am better now, I find it still pops up now and then. That's when, at my place, a whole lot of donkey hugging is in order. Works like a charm! Best wishes to you, sincerely.
ReplyDeleteWelcome back.It sounds like you have dealt with a lot and made some moves to put yourself on a track that works for you. You share so many emotions - working through them must have been exhausting.
ReplyDeleteWay to go! Unleashing the beast within can be quite frightening yet very healing at times. I am glad you were able to let go of some of the anger. I am a pro at being angry, especially about things I have no control over, which eventually ends up hurting me more. I am glad you are back. You were missed.
ReplyDeleteI hope your doing well and I understand. I call mine Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome as it seems I was always ALWAYS waiting for the other shoe to drop. Lately I'm better though too. Several years ago it seemed to peak with bad things happening. Cancer, Death, Bankruptcy, and everything landing on me to get it back together. I am still working on it. Health always seems like about the last thing we take care of until it hits us smack in the face. When all along health is what we should focus on first. I know I have mid life changes happening and similar to you I have this younger daughter right now living at home who is just about 7 months pregnant. ARRGGGHH!! I guess I signed up for this but also like you...I give er Hell sometimes and it helps. I've decided to take care of me more and more these days. Its working!
ReplyDeleteAhhh...my sister. You are one of the strongest people I know. Knew you would get it together...love you.
ReplyDelete